Crazy to think, but it's true.
Stefan and I are celebrating 16 years of marriage today. As we hugged this morning and said the obligatory "happy anniversary," I felt a sense of accomplishment I couldn't have understood when I was younger. We didn't just let time pass and make it to 16 years. We put in the work. We still work on us. We have to, or we lose it.
We aren't the same people who chose to marry each other all those years ago, and I'm glad for it. We are more patient, more forgiving, more communicative, more generous, more empathetic. We also get on each other's nerves. We raise our voices. We act childishly more often than I'd like to admit. And we keep choosing each other, and this life we have built together. It's hard, and it's worth it.
Marriage and parenting are jobs we didn't fully train for. So much has to be learned from lived experience (anyone else ignore tons of solid advice?!). We're still learning. And for us, building Fynn became part of that work: a way to examine ourselves and ask some tough questions. The work isn't done, but I'd love to share how it began.
Stefan and I started building Fynn because we needed a clearer way to communicate and operate in our household. It started with the physical chores, the obvious things like taking out the trash and emptying the dishwasher. We still fought. At least weekly. Because I was overwhelmed by everything that wasn't on the list. No matter how impressive an app Stefan built, it didn't touch the thinking I was doing for all five of us. The knowing. Who needs new shoes, when the permission slip is due, which kid has a rough week ahead. And it upset me. Why couldn't he see all that I did?!
So we dove deep into the research together. And here's what surprised me: the research process itself started changing things. I began to see real shifts in Stefan's parenting. He picked up from school more often, without prompting. The true "aha" moment came when he booked dentist appointments for all three kids. This is the same guy who never thought to attend a doctor's appointment the prior 12 years. Now he's making appointments and planning to take the kids himself, without any prompting from me. I watched Stefan grow into a more engaged dad and a more thoughtful partner.
It didn't happen overnight, and it isn't done. But it gives me so much hope for families everywhere. Even dads who already manage a lot of family life may not see the potential to engage further by taking on more of the thinking, not just the doing. We want more families to experience that revelation and growth.
Because every small step toward each other reinforces the commitment you made years ago. To choose each other. And to keep pushing yourself to be better, for the people you love.